7 Ways to Succeed in the Sport of Dating! (Part 1)

Newsletter 11/14/07

7 Ways to Succeed in the Sport of Dating! (Part 1)

Do you play sports? If you do, you have some skills that can carry over to your dating to improve your chances of being successful on the dating field.

I have been playing tennis since a young age. I understand that there is a physical and mental component to playing the game of tennis. The same is true for golf, softball, bowling and any other sport that requires hand-eye coordination.

The next four weeks I will answer your relationship questions in order for you to be able to improve your dating score! The first bit of dating advice for women and men involves your attitude and compatibility.

1. In sports, you need to visualize yourself as being successful. If you see yourself as a good tennis player hitting all winners, you will probably play to that level! In dating, you need to see yourself as being successful as well. If you believe a date will go well, (and you want it to), you will be more likely to have a successful date. Attitude is everything both in the dating and on the sports field!

2. In sports, you want to access the kind of player you want to be in a game with. You want to play with someone of your own ability level, or you'll quickly get bored. In dating, you want to be with someone who is on your same intellectual and emotional level (spiritual for some) or else you will surely lose interest over the long haul. Being with someone who is on a different level with can cause relationship issues, just as it can cause an incompatibility in a sports game.

5 Ways to ba a strategic Dater (Part 4 - End)

Newsletter 11/7/07

4. If you want to meet singles, go to singles events and trips.

· Birds of a feather flock together! When people are interested in meeting someone, they venture out to events where there are other singles. I know one attractive lady who sticks around her married friends. She is shy and doesn't like to be with people she doesn't know. Unfortunately, she does not meet men to date since she doesn't make the effort to get out into the singles world. As a relationship coach, I have observed several people who just went out to a singles event the first time and met their spouses because they pushed themselves to go out and were looking to meet someone!

· There are singles groups for every interest possible! If you play tennis, there's a tennis singles group in most metropolitan areas. Golf singles, biking singles, single volunteers, single parents and etc. All you have to do is search for singles groups in your area.

· When you think of vacation time, seek a singles group or trip. Again, there are trips to Europe, Asia, and Africa, as well as in the good ol' USA. You can travel by bus, bike or cruise boat, or you can go to a Caribbean Island to an all inclusive resort that has singles' weeks. There are single ski trips, biking trips, and tennis camp weeks. Forget traveling with your parents this year even if they offer to pay. Your goal is to meet someone and you can't do it by hanging out with them! For ideas of where to meet other singles, check out my resources on my website.

5. Be open and ready to meet someone anywhere and anytime.

· You can meet someone on a plane, on a train or the line at the grocery store. A client recently took a trip to Florida. Her seatmate was a very nice, eligible man. They talked all the way down. He asked for her phone number and they are now dating.

· Be dressed and ready to meet someone. When you go out, try and always look your best. I'm not suggesting that you be dressed to kill with professional looking makeup. I was on a singles biking trip when I met my husband. I always strived to look cute and put together - and natural looking. You can look fabulous in a t-shirt and shorts, as well as a tank top and skirt.

· Project an approachable attitude where you appear open and easy to meet. Make sure your body language is open, with a smile on your face and your arms not folded across your chest. Ladies, some dating advice for women is if you are at a singles event, don't stand with a bunch of other woman. That can be intimidating to men. Either hang out with only one other woman or off by yourself. And, if you are at a dance, stand near the dance floor, and look like you would really like to dance!

Being a Strategic Dater is about knowing what you want, and being intentional about how you go about finding the right romantic relationship for you. You may want to consult a relationship coach if you need some help strategizing. Remember, think before you leap and stay open to the excitement of the opportunities you are creating for yourself. Go and make some plans!

~Amy~

5 Ways to ba a strategic Dater (Part 3)

As we continue to learn Five Ways To Be A Strategic Dater, today, we'll find out about an important time-saving tip. Perhaps all has gone well in your search to find someone you'd like to meet, and now you're ready to take that next step and contact him or her. Below is yet another way you can become a strategic dater:

3. Be conscious of your time and use it wisely.

• Don't date people who don't share your values and life goals. Also, be careful not to date people you think are good for you but you are really not attracted to. That never works out in the end and essentially causes negative relationship issues. I have a client who is dating someone who he already knows doesn't share his goal of getting remarried. He enjoys her company and he feels that it is better than being alone. He could be spending his time finding someone who wants the same things in life that he does instead of marking time.

• When searching the online dating websites, only meet people who you have screened for their values and life goals. Make sure you talk on the phone a couple of times before agreeing to meet them. One client was anxious to meet them and "get it over with". She missed the screening process that the phone affords. So she had several bad dates with guys who couldn't hold a conversation. Now she has better success with face to face dates since she does her due diligence on the phone.

• When you are meeting someone for the first time and especially from the internet, keep your date to an hour or two maximum. I have seen examples of these first dates going several hours and then, the guy never calls or the gal never responds to a call for another date. Don't overstay your welcome. Give the person a taste of who you are about but not the whole enchilada!

Strategically planning your dates helps you become a strategic dater, increasing your dating success.

5 Ways to ba a strategic Dater (Part 2)

Newsletter 10/24/07


Put yourself in a place where you would have the best chance of success.

• Pick events that are age appropriate. I have seen 50 year-old guys go to 20-something events and wonder why they are not successful. Most of these women are not interested in guys who are their father's age - unless you are a successful, rich celebrity!

• Go to places where your gender is in the minority. If you are a woman, go to sports oriented events. I biked, skied, played tennis, volleyball and softball. I even bowled to meet men! If you are a man, go to an exercise class which is mostly female- even if you look like a spaz, women will give you credit for trying and being willing to make a fool of yourself!

• Go to places where you will see people repeatedly. Don't go to events and places where you see someone once and most likely never again. You get to know a person better over time. As a relationship coach, I had one client who went to a dinner at a church once and saw a woman he was interested in. He never got a chance to talk to her the first time. Next month, he went back to the dinner, making sure he sat next to her. The third time, the following month, he got up the nerve to ask her out. Now they are married!

Strategically planning your dates helps you become a strategic dater, increasing your dating success.

~Amy~

5 Ways to ba a strategic Dater (Part 1)

5 Ways to be a strategic Dater (Part 1)

Today's dating advice for women and men, is designed to help you gear back up for dating after summer, helping you to be a Strategic Dater. When you go out to singles event, do you:

1) stick with your friends?

2) hang off by yourself and look like you are available?

3) never would be caught at a singles event!

If you answered #2, you are showing yourself to be a Strategic Dater.

Some people are born with the instinct to prepare and plan for opportunity to strike, while others encounter relationship issues and are just clueless of what's going on around them and wouldn't recognize an opportunity if it he accidentally stepped on your foot! Here are some dating tips for men and women on how to be a Strategic Dater:

Be clear about what kind of person you want to meet by asking yourself the following relationship questions:

What are your values?

What is most important to you that you want to share with a Motivated to Marry™ partner?

What are your goals in life?

Do you want to date to meet lots of new people, or are you looking for a serious relationship?

Are you looking for marriage and a family?

What interests would you like to share with another person?

For instance, one client has a love of nature and would love to have a partner who also shares this interest.

Once you figure out your values and interests, think about where you would meet people who share these goals and interests.

An example would be of a client who has a love of nature; he could join a hiking club or an outdoors club. If you value giving back to your community, go to volunteer activities to meet people who share that passion.

~Amy~

Challenge: Your Relationships! (Part 4 - End)

Challenge: Your Relationships! (Part 4 - End)

This is your final Relationship Challenge. How are you doing so far? How have your results been? I'd like to hear from you. E-mail me at: nyman@consultant.com

For those singles: Are you using the internet to meet qualified people to date? If you are not, you are missing a great resource to meet wonderful women/men to date. The internet is great for busy people who want to pre-qualify people before they meet them.

This is your challenge:

Pick an internet dating site that resonates with you and sign up! First you will need to write up some essays and get a good picture to put up there. I suggest you focus on what you have to offer and your wonderful qualities. If you are not sure, then ask your close friends or your family members to help you.

What are you waiting for? There is no time like the present. Many of my clients have had success meeting their significant others from the internet.

Get an accountability buddy or a friend and commit to that person that you will get going with internet dating.

Good luck with this challenge- this will definitely remodel your reality- there are plenty of good people to meet and date!

~Amy~

Some tips:

1. Present the most authentic you!

Show your potential dates the real you. If you put down stuff that you are not, you will attract the wrong people and eventually it will come out. For example, if you can't stand cats and say you like animals, then what will you do if your date has a cat? My philosophy is what you put out there is what you will attract. Just like an ad in a magazine- if a company advertises a car with a powerful engine, it will attract people who want that in a car.

So it is best to be honest and upfront with your profile. Describe what you need and want in a relationship. Don't be afraid to ask for what you want (as long as it is socially appropriate!). If you want marriage and a family - then put that down in your profile. You will attract those who want the same things as you and turn away those who would be scared by that comment-that's a good thing!

2. Tell your audience what's unique about you!

What sets you apart from the next guy or gal? What is special about you? Do you have any special talents? You want someone who appreciates that about you. If you have an artistic bent, or you sing in a chorus, describe that! If you run marathons or help out with volunteer activities, put that down. This will set you apart from all the other internet profiles out there.

3. Take your reader into your experiences with you!

I believe in bringing the reader into the experiences that you truly value. Not just superficially mention you like running through the park, but send out an invitation for them to join you. For instance, one of my clients described how he loves to jog in a city park in the fall when the air is crisp and the leaves are multi-tonal. Doesn't this description have a "come join me" feeling?

Don't just mention that you like concerts and movies. Describe what kind of concerts you prefer and types of movies you love.

Describe what's truly important to you!

What gets you up in the morning? What truly motivates you in life? One of my clients truly values giving of herself to the community. She is an avid volunteer. I'm sure she wants to attract someone who also values giving to the community as well. When you get beyond the superficial, you will attract those who say, "this person seems to be the kind of person I want to meet!"

4. Invest in hiring a professional for the all important photo!

We do live in a visual society and we do judge a book by a cover! Studies have shown that the photo is the key to whether a person decides to check out your profile or not. If you are not sure how you come across in the photo, then ask a friend or co-worker for their opinion. I request my clients to get a professional photo 95% of the time. And make sure the photo is a current one of you, within a year or two!

Challenge: Your Relationships! (Part 3)

Challenge: Your Relationships! (Part 3)

For your relationship challenge for this week- I'm going to ask you to get in contact with 5 important people in your life that you have lost touch with. It may be a relative, an old friend from college or a previous work colleague.

I went to a business meeting last week, and I had a blast. It was fun catching up with people I hadn't seen in many years. It reminded me of the relationships I let go that I wish I had kept up with.

Who do you wish you have kept in touch?

Write a list of all the important people you wish you had kept up with. Make a plan to get in contact with them- two a week for a month? I'm sure they would appreciate hearing from you.

We get involved in our busy lives and forget those people who are most dear to us. It usually takes a tragedy for us to rally to those loved ones.

What about being there for the good times as well?

~Amy~