Challenge: Your Relationships! (Part 2)

So you say you don’t have a romantic relationship at this time?

What would it take for you to find that relationship?

What are you doing to meet people to date?

My challenge to you is to carve out 5 hours a week and devote that time to getting out and meeting new people.

Perhaps you will meet someone of interest to date.

How do you plan on doing that?

First pick 2 evenings a week to go out to places where you will meet people of interest to you.

What events are in your area? You can go online and search for activities that you would enjoy and have common interests with people.

Do you enjoy art and culture? Perhaps an area museum has a lecture or and event at their local.

Do you enjoy being physically active?

What can you do that is out of the box for you?

How about taking an improvisational class? You are sure to meet some fun and interesting people there!

Try and go to one event or activity that you wouldn’t normally go to.

The key is to get out and meet new people. Trust that you will attract people who will resonate with you. And, last just have fun!

~Amy~

Challenge: Your Relationships! (Part 1)

- How about pumping up your significant relationship this week?

- What would you have to do to turn up the volume a notch or two?

Relationships take focus and attention.

For some, it’s making time to focus on the person and what really gets them going. When is the last time you brought them a surprise for no good reason?

I love it when my husband brings me home flowers or some fun gift under no obligation. Sometimes, I see a piece of clothing that would look good on him, or a fun romantic nick knack that just shows him I’m thinking of him.

What about a sexy email at work telling your partner you are thinking of him? Sometimes I leave a fun card in his briefcase so he will find it at work. The key is to build anticipation so you are both excited about the prospects for that evening.

I challenge you to come up with your own surprises for your romantic partner – how can you make your relationship even hotter this week?

~Amy~

Improve your Dating Experiences (Part 4)

4. Be the most attractive you!

Continuing on the topic of 5 Ways to Improve Your Dating Experiences, last week, we discussed being selective in who you choose to date. Today, we’ll pick up with your image. Your image matters. According to my research, sloppiness and poor grooming are the top dating turnoffs. Therefore, it is important to make yourself the most attractive person that you can. No matter what you have to work with, one may be able improve with regards to hair, grooming, clothes and weight. Actually, several of my heavy girlfriends have gotten married. They are able to carry their weight very well, have beautiful faces and dress to make the most of their shape. Here are my suggestions:

• Exercise and workout several times a week. Use a trainer if you need discipline or find a workout buddy.
• If weight is an issue for you, then find a diet or a diet program that is easy for you to stick to. You may want to consult a nutritionist.
• Get a makeover! Hair and makeup for women and hair and grooming for men. Find your own Fab-Five!
• Have your wardrobe reviewed by a friend with good taste or a wardrobe consultant. Women, you don’t want to look too frumpy or too trampy. Strive for simple elegance. Remember, a man wants someone they feel comfortable bringing home to meet Mom. Men, you just need to look neat, be well-groomed and dressed in something nicer than a rumpled tee-shirt and jeans!

5. Keep your relationship expectations realistic!

Nothing will scare someone off faster than to start talking about weddings and family stuff too soon! However, don’t be afraid to communicate what you are looking for in generalities. For instance you may say, “I’m looking for a relationship that will lead to marriage.” If that statement scares away your date, then, so be it! The right person will say, “I want this for myself too and I am looking forward to getting to know you better”. The only expectation placed on the relationship is the one of getting to know one another better.

It’s better to have a pleasant surprise of everything working out than to be disappointed by out of proportion expectations.

If you implement these five steps that I described over the last month, you will see an improvement in your dating experience. At least, you will be pointing yourself in the right direction. Remember, no matter how frustrating dating may seem, it is important to keep a positive attitude about both yourself and dating.

Happy dating!

~ Amy ~

Improve your Dating Experience - Part 3

Day 3:

3. Choose wisely the people you date

Continuing the topic of "5 Ways to Improve Your Dating Experiences", based upon the above knowledge you have gained about your value, life goals, needs and wants, it best serves you to decide carefully to choose with whom you spend your time. It is also important to be open to date people who seem like they would be a good match who may not totally "wow" you at first. Some relationships are like smoldering fires and they grow hotter and brighter with time. In contrast, those relationships that are like bonfires at first, may be based on lust and don't usually last very long.

Actually, there have been studies that have shown that women on their first date with a guy/girl may not have been crazy about their dates, but for some reason decided to give the guy/girl a second chance. Many of these women/men did actually marry the guy/girl!

Do pay attention to your internal warning signal or your whacko alarm! If something doesn't seem right when talking to the person over the phone, or by your email interactions, then don't pursue it. Your instincts are usually on target.

When you meet someone where your values mesh, then there is a feeling of familiarity. It feels comfortable and you find that you understand each other well. Then add on the same life goals, and shazam! The relationship will just click. It's that simple. Don't waste your time with cute, but inappropriate people unless your time is of little value to you. Choose your dates wisely, and you will have a more enjoyable and hopefully successful dating experience.

~Amy~

Improve Your Dating Experiences - Part 2

Day 2:

2. Know what your true “must haves” are for a relationship.

Make a list of the things you must have in a relationship. It’s okay if your list is 5 items long or 30. It’s your list. It may be wise to question whether your non-negotiable is truly non-negotiable or just a want or desire. For instance, some of my “must haves” for a partner were he had to be a non-smoker, had to like (love?) cats, had to be the same religion as I, to have no addictions (alcohol or drugs), and have a steady job and is financially responsible and would support me in my endeavors. Some of my desires were, it would be great if he played tennis, enjoy cultural activities, likes the beach and lived in the DC area. However, I could compromise and live without the last group or find other people to enjoy these things with.

By knowing your “must haves”, you will be able to skip over dating people who do not meet your real needs. This will save you time and heartache in the long run.

~Amy~

Improve Your Dating Experiences (Part 1)

Day 1:

Dating can be a very frustrating experience. Don’t you wish you could go up to a computer and punch in all the characteristics and qualities of your ideal mate and then, abracadabra that person appears custom made for you?

If you are smart and focused, dreams can come true. First, you need to figure out the information that you would need to input into that computer.

1. You must be honest with yourself and know yourself well.

Sit in a quiet place and think about what your values are. Values are the things that are really important to you – what you treasure. Reflect upon your peak experiences in your life. What made them peak experiences? For example, I love skiing where I am enjoying the beautiful pristine nature and having the feeling of flying down the slopes. My values here are nature and the feeling of freedom.

Another peak experience is giving my husband his recent birthday party. I sent out festive invitations, picked a fabulous restaurant, all our close friends were with us, and my husband was thrilled. The party was a hit! From this, you can see my values are accomplishing something out of the ordinary, being with our close friends and my husband’s happiness.

To know yourself well, you also need to get a firm handle of what goals you have in life. What do you want to accomplish in the next year? The next three years? What’s your 10 year plan? If you had all the money in the world and nothing to stop you (i.e., any family obligations you may currently have), what would you want to do? What’s your top 20 list of the things you would like to do most in the next 10 years?

The reason this is important, is that you want to choose to date people who have similar values as yourself. Also, if you have a life goal that is in conflict with the person that you are dating, this may be a deal breaker. For instance, one of my friends loved the New York area and wanted to live there. The woman he met online lived in the Boston area and wanted to remain there with her family and friends. Although there was an attraction, the relationship did not work out because they had different goals on where they wanted to live. The worst situation is to be dating a person for a couple of months before discovering that your goals are totally opposite. For instance, a big dividing point in dating is whether or not you want children. I had a girlfriend who desperately wanted children and dated a guy for several months before finding out he was adamant against having any more children. He was divorced with two children. He didn’t want anymore responsibility. She had already fallen in love with him. It was a difficult choice for her, but she had to break up because she knew her goal was to have her own family.

~Amy~

Top Qualities to Look for in a Long-term Motivated to Marry™ Partner (Part 5)

This week’s dating tips for men and women brings us to the conclusion of the “Top 10 Qualities to Look for in a Long-Term Motivated to Marry™ Partner”:

We’ve all ready reviewed nine qualities to look for. Now, we’ll continue with the 10th, which is:

10. Thinks and acts in a “we” manner, not a “me” manner

Does your potential partner think of how his or her actions will affect you? Are your thoughts and feelings taken into consideration? Is there a goal of compromise for the sake of the relationship? A relationship cannot survive on “me” alone!

To be in a relationship with an individual who is “divided” in his/her thinking with the “me” alone syndrome, only creates problems. Be on the lookout for someone who does not appear to be selfish or self-centered, but rather is willing to be sensitive to your feelings, desires, and needs. Additionally, it’s important that you also demonstrate this quality.

Suppose for example, that you have been dating someone for a considerable amount of time, and you’re now seriously considering if this individual could be “the one”. The two of you begin to discuss your finances. Carefully consider if the individual is discussing your future with a “me” alone approach to the finances, or is he/she including you in his/her future financial plans and goals? Hopefully your potential partner is thinking of you as a couple and making decisions accordingly. If he or she is excluding you in the decision-making, then you either need to discuss how you feel and see if the person understands your position. If for some reason this person continues to be self-oriented, then you may decide to move on.

Good luck with your search or your current relationship. If you are still looking, stay positive. He or she is out there waiting for you!

Best wishes for your dating and relationship endeavors!

~ Amy ~