5 Strategies For Surviving The Holidays For Singles

Newsletter 12/19/07

It's now December and the holidays are currently upon us. All you see are Christmas decorations in the stores and holiday commercials of happy families celebrating mostly Christmas and New Years Eve. Because you are single and not even in a significant relationship, this can be a tough time of year for you, especially if you desire to be a part of a couple and have a family of your own. The feelings that come up range from loneliness to dread to jealousy of your friends and family who seem to have it all!

What's a single guy or gal to do? Today's dating advice for women and men includes the results of a survey I conducted with my friends and clients, where I found five different strategies that make the holiday season a happy and productive time of year. The first strategy includes:

1. Take a trip and get out of town!

My girlfriend takes a cruise in the Caribbean during Christmas week through New Years Day. There are also singles ski trips, Club Med and such. Another option is to find a buddy and go away to the destination of your choosing. Not only are you taking a vacation, but you never know who you will meet on your adventure!

2. Seek out singles events and gatherings.

There are many singles parties on New Years Eve in every major City. It's a great time to meet people because everyone is open and festive. No one wants to be alone on New Years Eve. You can also create your own party for friends.

Each year, I organize a mostly singles dinner for my friends on Christmas day. It's sometimes easier not to deal with the couple or family thing - especially if there are married couples with kids. Most of my singles friends yearn to have a family. I also know my single friends are uncomfortable with witnessing the public display of affection sometimes demonstrated by couples. So it's just easier to hang out with other singles.

As you can see, the holidays can be a great time to make the most of being single! From shopping for yourself, earning extra cash, taking a vacation, and more, the holidays can be a great time to treat yourself when others may not be able to!

3. Earn overtime pay by working!

Most people want to take off during the holidays. Who is going to hold down the fort? I have a friend who works in radio. She covers the holiday shift so others can be with their families. I also know someone who helps out in a restaurant once a year to help out a friend who is short-handed. You help others and make some extra pocket change- it's a win-win!

Strategically planning the upcoming holidays helps you feel less lonely and depressed during the holidays and makes this time of year more enjoyable for you!

4. Go out and do the stuff you love!

Another dating tips for men and women include going to the gym- it's usually open part of the day (closes early on Christmas Eve and closed Christmas Day). Also, you can go shopping and take advantage of the sales late Christmas Eve or New Years Day. Buy yourself the items you really wanted for yourself. Go see the movie that you are dying to see. Go to a museum exhibit you haven't been able to visit. You don't have to worry about anyone holding you back. Also, many Churches and Synagogues have volunteer programs on Christmas Day.

5.Stay home and catch up on paperwork!

What a great time to get your taxes in order! You can also spend your time at home searching the internet dating sites for your true love. Besides, it's just another day in the year. It will be over before you know it and you will get a jump on next year!

A word of caution to help prevent tough relationship issues: Starting in November, beware of falling into a false, convenient relationship. Here you find yourself in a precarious relationship that's somewhat comfortable (and clearly not the one) that can carry you through the cold, dark months of winter. This is the hardest time of the year to be single.

It seems as though we are sometimes playing musical chairs and that by late November, whomever you were dating, you attach yourself to this person and settle into a relationship for the time being.When I was single, I unconsciously found myself in relationships by late Fall so that I would have someone to be with me during the holidays. And with my birthday in January and subsequently the dreaded Valentine's Day in February, I was then in a position to get the attention and the gifts I truly desired!

Funny how by March or April the relationship broke up and I was out in the dating world again as spring blossomed.So you get to choose. How do you want to spend the holidays? Only you know what feels right for you. Perhaps you want to try something new this year. It's time to make your plans now so you are not left out in the cold!

~ Amy ~

7 Ways to Succeed in the Sport of Dating! (Part 4)

Newsletter 12/5/07


Continuing on the topic of Seven Ways To Succeed In The Sport of Dating, today we're discussing the final tip in our dating tips for men and women in this area that involves having a relationship coach.

7. Suppose you have a great understanding of how the game is played, and you are skilled at the game you play. However, imagine that you have decided you would like to be even better at what you do! In sports, to become better at what you play, you take lessons from a coach or trainer to fine-tune your strokes and/or learn how to play a game more successfully. In dating, a relationship coach can help you improve your approach and strategies in order to be more effective and ultimately, more successful. The coach is standing on the sidelines with you and cheering you on!

By applying the same tried and true formula for success for sports to dating, you will see how easy it is to improve your skills on the dating game field.

Go out there and win at the game of dating!

~Amy~

7 Ways to Succeed in the Sport of Dating! (Part 3)

Newsletter 11/28/07


As we continue to learn the Seven Ways to Succeed in the Sport of Dating, today you'll find out about strengths and weaknesses as well as endurance.

5. In sports, one needs to access your opponent's strengths and weaknesses. In a game, you play to your opponents weaknesses. In dating, you focus on the opposite - your date' strengths. You look at how you can work as a team instead of opponents. Here, you look to work from each other's strengths, and minimize weaknesses.

6. In sports, to improve your performance, it takes practice. You need to get out and hit the ball again and again in order to anticipate and formulate strategies. In dating, the more you go out and meet different people, the easier it gets. When you get out there regularly, you are able to choose more quickly and confidently who is right for you and who is not. This will minimize your relationship issues in the long run.

Focusing on these two tips can help resolve many relationship questions you may be asking yourself right now.

Join us next week, when I'll share the last dating tip for men and women to help you succeed in the sport of dating.

~Amy~

7 Ways to Succeed in the Sport of Dating! (Part 2)

Newsletter 11/21/07

We've all ready leaned the necessity of compatibility and attitude. We'll continue this week with the importance of focus.

3. In sports, it is best not to dwell on your past bad performance, but rather look forward towards making your next point or shot. In the same way, in dating, you don't want to think about how bad your last date went. You want to focus on having a good experience this time around.

My next piece of dating advice for women and men covers reaching your goals.

4. In sports, it is important to keep your eye on the ball - where it's coming from and where you want it to go. As in dating, you want to keep the focus on your goal of your time together and the end result you desire. Are you looking for a marriage partner? If so, does the person you are dating have that same goal? You want to make sure your reasons for dating are in sync or you will have major relationship issues!

Until the next time, when we'll continue our discussion on the Seven Ways to Succeed In The Sport of Dating.

~Amy~

7 Ways to Succeed in the Sport of Dating! (Part 1)

Newsletter 11/14/07

7 Ways to Succeed in the Sport of Dating! (Part 1)

Do you play sports? If you do, you have some skills that can carry over to your dating to improve your chances of being successful on the dating field.

I have been playing tennis since a young age. I understand that there is a physical and mental component to playing the game of tennis. The same is true for golf, softball, bowling and any other sport that requires hand-eye coordination.

The next four weeks I will answer your relationship questions in order for you to be able to improve your dating score! The first bit of dating advice for women and men involves your attitude and compatibility.

1. In sports, you need to visualize yourself as being successful. If you see yourself as a good tennis player hitting all winners, you will probably play to that level! In dating, you need to see yourself as being successful as well. If you believe a date will go well, (and you want it to), you will be more likely to have a successful date. Attitude is everything both in the dating and on the sports field!

2. In sports, you want to access the kind of player you want to be in a game with. You want to play with someone of your own ability level, or you'll quickly get bored. In dating, you want to be with someone who is on your same intellectual and emotional level (spiritual for some) or else you will surely lose interest over the long haul. Being with someone who is on a different level with can cause relationship issues, just as it can cause an incompatibility in a sports game.

5 Ways to ba a strategic Dater (Part 4 - End)

Newsletter 11/7/07

4. If you want to meet singles, go to singles events and trips.

· Birds of a feather flock together! When people are interested in meeting someone, they venture out to events where there are other singles. I know one attractive lady who sticks around her married friends. She is shy and doesn't like to be with people she doesn't know. Unfortunately, she does not meet men to date since she doesn't make the effort to get out into the singles world. As a relationship coach, I have observed several people who just went out to a singles event the first time and met their spouses because they pushed themselves to go out and were looking to meet someone!

· There are singles groups for every interest possible! If you play tennis, there's a tennis singles group in most metropolitan areas. Golf singles, biking singles, single volunteers, single parents and etc. All you have to do is search for singles groups in your area.

· When you think of vacation time, seek a singles group or trip. Again, there are trips to Europe, Asia, and Africa, as well as in the good ol' USA. You can travel by bus, bike or cruise boat, or you can go to a Caribbean Island to an all inclusive resort that has singles' weeks. There are single ski trips, biking trips, and tennis camp weeks. Forget traveling with your parents this year even if they offer to pay. Your goal is to meet someone and you can't do it by hanging out with them! For ideas of where to meet other singles, check out my resources on my website.

5. Be open and ready to meet someone anywhere and anytime.

· You can meet someone on a plane, on a train or the line at the grocery store. A client recently took a trip to Florida. Her seatmate was a very nice, eligible man. They talked all the way down. He asked for her phone number and they are now dating.

· Be dressed and ready to meet someone. When you go out, try and always look your best. I'm not suggesting that you be dressed to kill with professional looking makeup. I was on a singles biking trip when I met my husband. I always strived to look cute and put together - and natural looking. You can look fabulous in a t-shirt and shorts, as well as a tank top and skirt.

· Project an approachable attitude where you appear open and easy to meet. Make sure your body language is open, with a smile on your face and your arms not folded across your chest. Ladies, some dating advice for women is if you are at a singles event, don't stand with a bunch of other woman. That can be intimidating to men. Either hang out with only one other woman or off by yourself. And, if you are at a dance, stand near the dance floor, and look like you would really like to dance!

Being a Strategic Dater is about knowing what you want, and being intentional about how you go about finding the right romantic relationship for you. You may want to consult a relationship coach if you need some help strategizing. Remember, think before you leap and stay open to the excitement of the opportunities you are creating for yourself. Go and make some plans!

~Amy~

5 Ways to ba a strategic Dater (Part 3)

As we continue to learn Five Ways To Be A Strategic Dater, today, we'll find out about an important time-saving tip. Perhaps all has gone well in your search to find someone you'd like to meet, and now you're ready to take that next step and contact him or her. Below is yet another way you can become a strategic dater:

3. Be conscious of your time and use it wisely.

• Don't date people who don't share your values and life goals. Also, be careful not to date people you think are good for you but you are really not attracted to. That never works out in the end and essentially causes negative relationship issues. I have a client who is dating someone who he already knows doesn't share his goal of getting remarried. He enjoys her company and he feels that it is better than being alone. He could be spending his time finding someone who wants the same things in life that he does instead of marking time.

• When searching the online dating websites, only meet people who you have screened for their values and life goals. Make sure you talk on the phone a couple of times before agreeing to meet them. One client was anxious to meet them and "get it over with". She missed the screening process that the phone affords. So she had several bad dates with guys who couldn't hold a conversation. Now she has better success with face to face dates since she does her due diligence on the phone.

• When you are meeting someone for the first time and especially from the internet, keep your date to an hour or two maximum. I have seen examples of these first dates going several hours and then, the guy never calls or the gal never responds to a call for another date. Don't overstay your welcome. Give the person a taste of who you are about but not the whole enchilada!

Strategically planning your dates helps you become a strategic dater, increasing your dating success.