Improve Your Dating Experiences - Part 2

Day 2:

2. Know what your true “must haves” are for a relationship.

Make a list of the things you must have in a relationship. It’s okay if your list is 5 items long or 30. It’s your list. It may be wise to question whether your non-negotiable is truly non-negotiable or just a want or desire. For instance, some of my “must haves” for a partner were he had to be a non-smoker, had to like (love?) cats, had to be the same religion as I, to have no addictions (alcohol or drugs), and have a steady job and is financially responsible and would support me in my endeavors. Some of my desires were, it would be great if he played tennis, enjoy cultural activities, likes the beach and lived in the DC area. However, I could compromise and live without the last group or find other people to enjoy these things with.

By knowing your “must haves”, you will be able to skip over dating people who do not meet your real needs. This will save you time and heartache in the long run.

~Amy~

Improve Your Dating Experiences (Part 1)

Day 1:

Dating can be a very frustrating experience. Don’t you wish you could go up to a computer and punch in all the characteristics and qualities of your ideal mate and then, abracadabra that person appears custom made for you?

If you are smart and focused, dreams can come true. First, you need to figure out the information that you would need to input into that computer.

1. You must be honest with yourself and know yourself well.

Sit in a quiet place and think about what your values are. Values are the things that are really important to you – what you treasure. Reflect upon your peak experiences in your life. What made them peak experiences? For example, I love skiing where I am enjoying the beautiful pristine nature and having the feeling of flying down the slopes. My values here are nature and the feeling of freedom.

Another peak experience is giving my husband his recent birthday party. I sent out festive invitations, picked a fabulous restaurant, all our close friends were with us, and my husband was thrilled. The party was a hit! From this, you can see my values are accomplishing something out of the ordinary, being with our close friends and my husband’s happiness.

To know yourself well, you also need to get a firm handle of what goals you have in life. What do you want to accomplish in the next year? The next three years? What’s your 10 year plan? If you had all the money in the world and nothing to stop you (i.e., any family obligations you may currently have), what would you want to do? What’s your top 20 list of the things you would like to do most in the next 10 years?

The reason this is important, is that you want to choose to date people who have similar values as yourself. Also, if you have a life goal that is in conflict with the person that you are dating, this may be a deal breaker. For instance, one of my friends loved the New York area and wanted to live there. The woman he met online lived in the Boston area and wanted to remain there with her family and friends. Although there was an attraction, the relationship did not work out because they had different goals on where they wanted to live. The worst situation is to be dating a person for a couple of months before discovering that your goals are totally opposite. For instance, a big dividing point in dating is whether or not you want children. I had a girlfriend who desperately wanted children and dated a guy for several months before finding out he was adamant against having any more children. He was divorced with two children. He didn’t want anymore responsibility. She had already fallen in love with him. It was a difficult choice for her, but she had to break up because she knew her goal was to have her own family.

~Amy~

Top Qualities to Look for in a Long-term Motivated to Marry™ Partner (Part 5)

This week’s dating tips for men and women brings us to the conclusion of the “Top 10 Qualities to Look for in a Long-Term Motivated to Marry™ Partner”:

We’ve all ready reviewed nine qualities to look for. Now, we’ll continue with the 10th, which is:

10. Thinks and acts in a “we” manner, not a “me” manner

Does your potential partner think of how his or her actions will affect you? Are your thoughts and feelings taken into consideration? Is there a goal of compromise for the sake of the relationship? A relationship cannot survive on “me” alone!

To be in a relationship with an individual who is “divided” in his/her thinking with the “me” alone syndrome, only creates problems. Be on the lookout for someone who does not appear to be selfish or self-centered, but rather is willing to be sensitive to your feelings, desires, and needs. Additionally, it’s important that you also demonstrate this quality.

Suppose for example, that you have been dating someone for a considerable amount of time, and you’re now seriously considering if this individual could be “the one”. The two of you begin to discuss your finances. Carefully consider if the individual is discussing your future with a “me” alone approach to the finances, or is he/she including you in his/her future financial plans and goals? Hopefully your potential partner is thinking of you as a couple and making decisions accordingly. If he or she is excluding you in the decision-making, then you either need to discuss how you feel and see if the person understands your position. If for some reason this person continues to be self-oriented, then you may decide to move on.

Good luck with your search or your current relationship. If you are still looking, stay positive. He or she is out there waiting for you!

Best wishes for your dating and relationship endeavors!

~ Amy ~

Top Qualities to Look for in a Long-term Motivated to Marry™ Partner (Part 4)

Continuing on the topic of “Top Qualities to Look for in a Long-term Motivated to Marry™ Partner”, last week, we discussed being intimate and respect. Today, we’ll continue with additional dating tips for men and women and other important characteristics to look for that deepens a romantic relationship.

8. Open and willing to work on enhancing the relationship
Open and honest communication is the key to any relationship. As part of a couple, you need to be willing to listen to constructive comments and requests from your partner. It’s important to hear your partner’s side and visa versa. If you reach a deadlock without any viable solutions, be willing to seek help from an impartial third party to resolve major relationship issues.

9. Trustworthy
Trust is built over time and many positive encounters with someone. Does this person follow up when he/she says they will? Is this someone you have found you can count on? Trust is the foundation of any relationship.

~ Amy ~

Top Qualities to Look for in a Long-term Motivated to Marry™ Partner (Part 3)

As we continue in our learning of “Top Qualities to Look for in a Long-term Motivated to Marry™ Partner”, today, we’ll discover two qualities that tend to go hand-in-hand and are critical in all long-term romantic relationships. They are the ability to be intimate and respect.

6. Ability to be Intimate:

Being willing to show your true self to another does take guts and trust. Making yourself vulnerable to another is not an everyday occurrence. Allowing someone to get to know you and love you just the way you are, for better or worse is not for the faint-hearted.

7. Respectful

Being able to remain respectful of another although you may not agree with the person does take a lot of class. It’s even harder to treat someone with respect when you are under stress. Always treat each other like delicate China where you can break your strong bond with the slip of a hurtful tongue. Nasty remarks and put downs are damaging to any relationship.

The ability to share yourself with someone and to find someone who genuinely respects you for who you are, are two of the most important issues that are key ingredients to a successful relationship. Sharing these attributes with someone will develop trust and will give you a sense of well being.

Amy