5 Strategies For Surviving The Holidays For Singles

Newsletter 12/19/07

It's now December and the holidays are currently upon us. All you see are Christmas decorations in the stores and holiday commercials of happy families celebrating mostly Christmas and New Years Eve. Because you are single and not even in a significant relationship, this can be a tough time of year for you, especially if you desire to be a part of a couple and have a family of your own. The feelings that come up range from loneliness to dread to jealousy of your friends and family who seem to have it all!

What's a single guy or gal to do? Today's dating advice for women and men includes the results of a survey I conducted with my friends and clients, where I found five different strategies that make the holiday season a happy and productive time of year. The first strategy includes:

1. Take a trip and get out of town!

My girlfriend takes a cruise in the Caribbean during Christmas week through New Years Day. There are also singles ski trips, Club Med and such. Another option is to find a buddy and go away to the destination of your choosing. Not only are you taking a vacation, but you never know who you will meet on your adventure!

2. Seek out singles events and gatherings.

There are many singles parties on New Years Eve in every major City. It's a great time to meet people because everyone is open and festive. No one wants to be alone on New Years Eve. You can also create your own party for friends.

Each year, I organize a mostly singles dinner for my friends on Christmas day. It's sometimes easier not to deal with the couple or family thing - especially if there are married couples with kids. Most of my singles friends yearn to have a family. I also know my single friends are uncomfortable with witnessing the public display of affection sometimes demonstrated by couples. So it's just easier to hang out with other singles.

As you can see, the holidays can be a great time to make the most of being single! From shopping for yourself, earning extra cash, taking a vacation, and more, the holidays can be a great time to treat yourself when others may not be able to!

3. Earn overtime pay by working!

Most people want to take off during the holidays. Who is going to hold down the fort? I have a friend who works in radio. She covers the holiday shift so others can be with their families. I also know someone who helps out in a restaurant once a year to help out a friend who is short-handed. You help others and make some extra pocket change- it's a win-win!

Strategically planning the upcoming holidays helps you feel less lonely and depressed during the holidays and makes this time of year more enjoyable for you!

4. Go out and do the stuff you love!

Another dating tips for men and women include going to the gym- it's usually open part of the day (closes early on Christmas Eve and closed Christmas Day). Also, you can go shopping and take advantage of the sales late Christmas Eve or New Years Day. Buy yourself the items you really wanted for yourself. Go see the movie that you are dying to see. Go to a museum exhibit you haven't been able to visit. You don't have to worry about anyone holding you back. Also, many Churches and Synagogues have volunteer programs on Christmas Day.

5.Stay home and catch up on paperwork!

What a great time to get your taxes in order! You can also spend your time at home searching the internet dating sites for your true love. Besides, it's just another day in the year. It will be over before you know it and you will get a jump on next year!

A word of caution to help prevent tough relationship issues: Starting in November, beware of falling into a false, convenient relationship. Here you find yourself in a precarious relationship that's somewhat comfortable (and clearly not the one) that can carry you through the cold, dark months of winter. This is the hardest time of the year to be single.

It seems as though we are sometimes playing musical chairs and that by late November, whomever you were dating, you attach yourself to this person and settle into a relationship for the time being.When I was single, I unconsciously found myself in relationships by late Fall so that I would have someone to be with me during the holidays. And with my birthday in January and subsequently the dreaded Valentine's Day in February, I was then in a position to get the attention and the gifts I truly desired!

Funny how by March or April the relationship broke up and I was out in the dating world again as spring blossomed.So you get to choose. How do you want to spend the holidays? Only you know what feels right for you. Perhaps you want to try something new this year. It's time to make your plans now so you are not left out in the cold!

~ Amy ~

7 Ways to Succeed in the Sport of Dating! (Part 4)

Newsletter 12/5/07


Continuing on the topic of Seven Ways To Succeed In The Sport of Dating, today we're discussing the final tip in our dating tips for men and women in this area that involves having a relationship coach.

7. Suppose you have a great understanding of how the game is played, and you are skilled at the game you play. However, imagine that you have decided you would like to be even better at what you do! In sports, to become better at what you play, you take lessons from a coach or trainer to fine-tune your strokes and/or learn how to play a game more successfully. In dating, a relationship coach can help you improve your approach and strategies in order to be more effective and ultimately, more successful. The coach is standing on the sidelines with you and cheering you on!

By applying the same tried and true formula for success for sports to dating, you will see how easy it is to improve your skills on the dating game field.

Go out there and win at the game of dating!

~Amy~

7 Ways to Succeed in the Sport of Dating! (Part 3)

Newsletter 11/28/07


As we continue to learn the Seven Ways to Succeed in the Sport of Dating, today you'll find out about strengths and weaknesses as well as endurance.

5. In sports, one needs to access your opponent's strengths and weaknesses. In a game, you play to your opponents weaknesses. In dating, you focus on the opposite - your date' strengths. You look at how you can work as a team instead of opponents. Here, you look to work from each other's strengths, and minimize weaknesses.

6. In sports, to improve your performance, it takes practice. You need to get out and hit the ball again and again in order to anticipate and formulate strategies. In dating, the more you go out and meet different people, the easier it gets. When you get out there regularly, you are able to choose more quickly and confidently who is right for you and who is not. This will minimize your relationship issues in the long run.

Focusing on these two tips can help resolve many relationship questions you may be asking yourself right now.

Join us next week, when I'll share the last dating tip for men and women to help you succeed in the sport of dating.

~Amy~

7 Ways to Succeed in the Sport of Dating! (Part 2)

Newsletter 11/21/07

We've all ready leaned the necessity of compatibility and attitude. We'll continue this week with the importance of focus.

3. In sports, it is best not to dwell on your past bad performance, but rather look forward towards making your next point or shot. In the same way, in dating, you don't want to think about how bad your last date went. You want to focus on having a good experience this time around.

My next piece of dating advice for women and men covers reaching your goals.

4. In sports, it is important to keep your eye on the ball - where it's coming from and where you want it to go. As in dating, you want to keep the focus on your goal of your time together and the end result you desire. Are you looking for a marriage partner? If so, does the person you are dating have that same goal? You want to make sure your reasons for dating are in sync or you will have major relationship issues!

Until the next time, when we'll continue our discussion on the Seven Ways to Succeed In The Sport of Dating.

~Amy~

7 Ways to Succeed in the Sport of Dating! (Part 1)

Newsletter 11/14/07

7 Ways to Succeed in the Sport of Dating! (Part 1)

Do you play sports? If you do, you have some skills that can carry over to your dating to improve your chances of being successful on the dating field.

I have been playing tennis since a young age. I understand that there is a physical and mental component to playing the game of tennis. The same is true for golf, softball, bowling and any other sport that requires hand-eye coordination.

The next four weeks I will answer your relationship questions in order for you to be able to improve your dating score! The first bit of dating advice for women and men involves your attitude and compatibility.

1. In sports, you need to visualize yourself as being successful. If you see yourself as a good tennis player hitting all winners, you will probably play to that level! In dating, you need to see yourself as being successful as well. If you believe a date will go well, (and you want it to), you will be more likely to have a successful date. Attitude is everything both in the dating and on the sports field!

2. In sports, you want to access the kind of player you want to be in a game with. You want to play with someone of your own ability level, or you'll quickly get bored. In dating, you want to be with someone who is on your same intellectual and emotional level (spiritual for some) or else you will surely lose interest over the long haul. Being with someone who is on a different level with can cause relationship issues, just as it can cause an incompatibility in a sports game.

5 Ways to ba a strategic Dater (Part 4 - End)

Newsletter 11/7/07

4. If you want to meet singles, go to singles events and trips.

· Birds of a feather flock together! When people are interested in meeting someone, they venture out to events where there are other singles. I know one attractive lady who sticks around her married friends. She is shy and doesn't like to be with people she doesn't know. Unfortunately, she does not meet men to date since she doesn't make the effort to get out into the singles world. As a relationship coach, I have observed several people who just went out to a singles event the first time and met their spouses because they pushed themselves to go out and were looking to meet someone!

· There are singles groups for every interest possible! If you play tennis, there's a tennis singles group in most metropolitan areas. Golf singles, biking singles, single volunteers, single parents and etc. All you have to do is search for singles groups in your area.

· When you think of vacation time, seek a singles group or trip. Again, there are trips to Europe, Asia, and Africa, as well as in the good ol' USA. You can travel by bus, bike or cruise boat, or you can go to a Caribbean Island to an all inclusive resort that has singles' weeks. There are single ski trips, biking trips, and tennis camp weeks. Forget traveling with your parents this year even if they offer to pay. Your goal is to meet someone and you can't do it by hanging out with them! For ideas of where to meet other singles, check out my resources on my website.

5. Be open and ready to meet someone anywhere and anytime.

· You can meet someone on a plane, on a train or the line at the grocery store. A client recently took a trip to Florida. Her seatmate was a very nice, eligible man. They talked all the way down. He asked for her phone number and they are now dating.

· Be dressed and ready to meet someone. When you go out, try and always look your best. I'm not suggesting that you be dressed to kill with professional looking makeup. I was on a singles biking trip when I met my husband. I always strived to look cute and put together - and natural looking. You can look fabulous in a t-shirt and shorts, as well as a tank top and skirt.

· Project an approachable attitude where you appear open and easy to meet. Make sure your body language is open, with a smile on your face and your arms not folded across your chest. Ladies, some dating advice for women is if you are at a singles event, don't stand with a bunch of other woman. That can be intimidating to men. Either hang out with only one other woman or off by yourself. And, if you are at a dance, stand near the dance floor, and look like you would really like to dance!

Being a Strategic Dater is about knowing what you want, and being intentional about how you go about finding the right romantic relationship for you. You may want to consult a relationship coach if you need some help strategizing. Remember, think before you leap and stay open to the excitement of the opportunities you are creating for yourself. Go and make some plans!

~Amy~

5 Ways to ba a strategic Dater (Part 3)

As we continue to learn Five Ways To Be A Strategic Dater, today, we'll find out about an important time-saving tip. Perhaps all has gone well in your search to find someone you'd like to meet, and now you're ready to take that next step and contact him or her. Below is yet another way you can become a strategic dater:

3. Be conscious of your time and use it wisely.

• Don't date people who don't share your values and life goals. Also, be careful not to date people you think are good for you but you are really not attracted to. That never works out in the end and essentially causes negative relationship issues. I have a client who is dating someone who he already knows doesn't share his goal of getting remarried. He enjoys her company and he feels that it is better than being alone. He could be spending his time finding someone who wants the same things in life that he does instead of marking time.

• When searching the online dating websites, only meet people who you have screened for their values and life goals. Make sure you talk on the phone a couple of times before agreeing to meet them. One client was anxious to meet them and "get it over with". She missed the screening process that the phone affords. So she had several bad dates with guys who couldn't hold a conversation. Now she has better success with face to face dates since she does her due diligence on the phone.

• When you are meeting someone for the first time and especially from the internet, keep your date to an hour or two maximum. I have seen examples of these first dates going several hours and then, the guy never calls or the gal never responds to a call for another date. Don't overstay your welcome. Give the person a taste of who you are about but not the whole enchilada!

Strategically planning your dates helps you become a strategic dater, increasing your dating success.

5 Ways to ba a strategic Dater (Part 2)

Newsletter 10/24/07


Put yourself in a place where you would have the best chance of success.

• Pick events that are age appropriate. I have seen 50 year-old guys go to 20-something events and wonder why they are not successful. Most of these women are not interested in guys who are their father's age - unless you are a successful, rich celebrity!

• Go to places where your gender is in the minority. If you are a woman, go to sports oriented events. I biked, skied, played tennis, volleyball and softball. I even bowled to meet men! If you are a man, go to an exercise class which is mostly female- even if you look like a spaz, women will give you credit for trying and being willing to make a fool of yourself!

• Go to places where you will see people repeatedly. Don't go to events and places where you see someone once and most likely never again. You get to know a person better over time. As a relationship coach, I had one client who went to a dinner at a church once and saw a woman he was interested in. He never got a chance to talk to her the first time. Next month, he went back to the dinner, making sure he sat next to her. The third time, the following month, he got up the nerve to ask her out. Now they are married!

Strategically planning your dates helps you become a strategic dater, increasing your dating success.

~Amy~

5 Ways to ba a strategic Dater (Part 1)

5 Ways to be a strategic Dater (Part 1)

Today's dating advice for women and men, is designed to help you gear back up for dating after summer, helping you to be a Strategic Dater. When you go out to singles event, do you:

1) stick with your friends?

2) hang off by yourself and look like you are available?

3) never would be caught at a singles event!

If you answered #2, you are showing yourself to be a Strategic Dater.

Some people are born with the instinct to prepare and plan for opportunity to strike, while others encounter relationship issues and are just clueless of what's going on around them and wouldn't recognize an opportunity if it he accidentally stepped on your foot! Here are some dating tips for men and women on how to be a Strategic Dater:

Be clear about what kind of person you want to meet by asking yourself the following relationship questions:

What are your values?

What is most important to you that you want to share with a Motivated to Marry™ partner?

What are your goals in life?

Do you want to date to meet lots of new people, or are you looking for a serious relationship?

Are you looking for marriage and a family?

What interests would you like to share with another person?

For instance, one client has a love of nature and would love to have a partner who also shares this interest.

Once you figure out your values and interests, think about where you would meet people who share these goals and interests.

An example would be of a client who has a love of nature; he could join a hiking club or an outdoors club. If you value giving back to your community, go to volunteer activities to meet people who share that passion.

~Amy~

Challenge: Your Relationships! (Part 4 - End)

Challenge: Your Relationships! (Part 4 - End)

This is your final Relationship Challenge. How are you doing so far? How have your results been? I'd like to hear from you. E-mail me at: nyman@consultant.com

For those singles: Are you using the internet to meet qualified people to date? If you are not, you are missing a great resource to meet wonderful women/men to date. The internet is great for busy people who want to pre-qualify people before they meet them.

This is your challenge:

Pick an internet dating site that resonates with you and sign up! First you will need to write up some essays and get a good picture to put up there. I suggest you focus on what you have to offer and your wonderful qualities. If you are not sure, then ask your close friends or your family members to help you.

What are you waiting for? There is no time like the present. Many of my clients have had success meeting their significant others from the internet.

Get an accountability buddy or a friend and commit to that person that you will get going with internet dating.

Good luck with this challenge- this will definitely remodel your reality- there are plenty of good people to meet and date!

~Amy~

Some tips:

1. Present the most authentic you!

Show your potential dates the real you. If you put down stuff that you are not, you will attract the wrong people and eventually it will come out. For example, if you can't stand cats and say you like animals, then what will you do if your date has a cat? My philosophy is what you put out there is what you will attract. Just like an ad in a magazine- if a company advertises a car with a powerful engine, it will attract people who want that in a car.

So it is best to be honest and upfront with your profile. Describe what you need and want in a relationship. Don't be afraid to ask for what you want (as long as it is socially appropriate!). If you want marriage and a family - then put that down in your profile. You will attract those who want the same things as you and turn away those who would be scared by that comment-that's a good thing!

2. Tell your audience what's unique about you!

What sets you apart from the next guy or gal? What is special about you? Do you have any special talents? You want someone who appreciates that about you. If you have an artistic bent, or you sing in a chorus, describe that! If you run marathons or help out with volunteer activities, put that down. This will set you apart from all the other internet profiles out there.

3. Take your reader into your experiences with you!

I believe in bringing the reader into the experiences that you truly value. Not just superficially mention you like running through the park, but send out an invitation for them to join you. For instance, one of my clients described how he loves to jog in a city park in the fall when the air is crisp and the leaves are multi-tonal. Doesn't this description have a "come join me" feeling?

Don't just mention that you like concerts and movies. Describe what kind of concerts you prefer and types of movies you love.

Describe what's truly important to you!

What gets you up in the morning? What truly motivates you in life? One of my clients truly values giving of herself to the community. She is an avid volunteer. I'm sure she wants to attract someone who also values giving to the community as well. When you get beyond the superficial, you will attract those who say, "this person seems to be the kind of person I want to meet!"

4. Invest in hiring a professional for the all important photo!

We do live in a visual society and we do judge a book by a cover! Studies have shown that the photo is the key to whether a person decides to check out your profile or not. If you are not sure how you come across in the photo, then ask a friend or co-worker for their opinion. I request my clients to get a professional photo 95% of the time. And make sure the photo is a current one of you, within a year or two!

Challenge: Your Relationships! (Part 3)

Challenge: Your Relationships! (Part 3)

For your relationship challenge for this week- I'm going to ask you to get in contact with 5 important people in your life that you have lost touch with. It may be a relative, an old friend from college or a previous work colleague.

I went to a business meeting last week, and I had a blast. It was fun catching up with people I hadn't seen in many years. It reminded me of the relationships I let go that I wish I had kept up with.

Who do you wish you have kept in touch?

Write a list of all the important people you wish you had kept up with. Make a plan to get in contact with them- two a week for a month? I'm sure they would appreciate hearing from you.

We get involved in our busy lives and forget those people who are most dear to us. It usually takes a tragedy for us to rally to those loved ones.

What about being there for the good times as well?

~Amy~

Challenge: Your Relationships! (Part 2)

So you say you don’t have a romantic relationship at this time?

What would it take for you to find that relationship?

What are you doing to meet people to date?

My challenge to you is to carve out 5 hours a week and devote that time to getting out and meeting new people.

Perhaps you will meet someone of interest to date.

How do you plan on doing that?

First pick 2 evenings a week to go out to places where you will meet people of interest to you.

What events are in your area? You can go online and search for activities that you would enjoy and have common interests with people.

Do you enjoy art and culture? Perhaps an area museum has a lecture or and event at their local.

Do you enjoy being physically active?

What can you do that is out of the box for you?

How about taking an improvisational class? You are sure to meet some fun and interesting people there!

Try and go to one event or activity that you wouldn’t normally go to.

The key is to get out and meet new people. Trust that you will attract people who will resonate with you. And, last just have fun!

~Amy~

Challenge: Your Relationships! (Part 1)

- How about pumping up your significant relationship this week?

- What would you have to do to turn up the volume a notch or two?

Relationships take focus and attention.

For some, it’s making time to focus on the person and what really gets them going. When is the last time you brought them a surprise for no good reason?

I love it when my husband brings me home flowers or some fun gift under no obligation. Sometimes, I see a piece of clothing that would look good on him, or a fun romantic nick knack that just shows him I’m thinking of him.

What about a sexy email at work telling your partner you are thinking of him? Sometimes I leave a fun card in his briefcase so he will find it at work. The key is to build anticipation so you are both excited about the prospects for that evening.

I challenge you to come up with your own surprises for your romantic partner – how can you make your relationship even hotter this week?

~Amy~

Improve your Dating Experiences (Part 4)

4. Be the most attractive you!

Continuing on the topic of 5 Ways to Improve Your Dating Experiences, last week, we discussed being selective in who you choose to date. Today, we’ll pick up with your image. Your image matters. According to my research, sloppiness and poor grooming are the top dating turnoffs. Therefore, it is important to make yourself the most attractive person that you can. No matter what you have to work with, one may be able improve with regards to hair, grooming, clothes and weight. Actually, several of my heavy girlfriends have gotten married. They are able to carry their weight very well, have beautiful faces and dress to make the most of their shape. Here are my suggestions:

• Exercise and workout several times a week. Use a trainer if you need discipline or find a workout buddy.
• If weight is an issue for you, then find a diet or a diet program that is easy for you to stick to. You may want to consult a nutritionist.
• Get a makeover! Hair and makeup for women and hair and grooming for men. Find your own Fab-Five!
• Have your wardrobe reviewed by a friend with good taste or a wardrobe consultant. Women, you don’t want to look too frumpy or too trampy. Strive for simple elegance. Remember, a man wants someone they feel comfortable bringing home to meet Mom. Men, you just need to look neat, be well-groomed and dressed in something nicer than a rumpled tee-shirt and jeans!

5. Keep your relationship expectations realistic!

Nothing will scare someone off faster than to start talking about weddings and family stuff too soon! However, don’t be afraid to communicate what you are looking for in generalities. For instance you may say, “I’m looking for a relationship that will lead to marriage.” If that statement scares away your date, then, so be it! The right person will say, “I want this for myself too and I am looking forward to getting to know you better”. The only expectation placed on the relationship is the one of getting to know one another better.

It’s better to have a pleasant surprise of everything working out than to be disappointed by out of proportion expectations.

If you implement these five steps that I described over the last month, you will see an improvement in your dating experience. At least, you will be pointing yourself in the right direction. Remember, no matter how frustrating dating may seem, it is important to keep a positive attitude about both yourself and dating.

Happy dating!

~ Amy ~

Improve your Dating Experience - Part 3

Day 3:

3. Choose wisely the people you date

Continuing the topic of "5 Ways to Improve Your Dating Experiences", based upon the above knowledge you have gained about your value, life goals, needs and wants, it best serves you to decide carefully to choose with whom you spend your time. It is also important to be open to date people who seem like they would be a good match who may not totally "wow" you at first. Some relationships are like smoldering fires and they grow hotter and brighter with time. In contrast, those relationships that are like bonfires at first, may be based on lust and don't usually last very long.

Actually, there have been studies that have shown that women on their first date with a guy/girl may not have been crazy about their dates, but for some reason decided to give the guy/girl a second chance. Many of these women/men did actually marry the guy/girl!

Do pay attention to your internal warning signal or your whacko alarm! If something doesn't seem right when talking to the person over the phone, or by your email interactions, then don't pursue it. Your instincts are usually on target.

When you meet someone where your values mesh, then there is a feeling of familiarity. It feels comfortable and you find that you understand each other well. Then add on the same life goals, and shazam! The relationship will just click. It's that simple. Don't waste your time with cute, but inappropriate people unless your time is of little value to you. Choose your dates wisely, and you will have a more enjoyable and hopefully successful dating experience.

~Amy~

Improve Your Dating Experiences - Part 2

Day 2:

2. Know what your true “must haves” are for a relationship.

Make a list of the things you must have in a relationship. It’s okay if your list is 5 items long or 30. It’s your list. It may be wise to question whether your non-negotiable is truly non-negotiable or just a want or desire. For instance, some of my “must haves” for a partner were he had to be a non-smoker, had to like (love?) cats, had to be the same religion as I, to have no addictions (alcohol or drugs), and have a steady job and is financially responsible and would support me in my endeavors. Some of my desires were, it would be great if he played tennis, enjoy cultural activities, likes the beach and lived in the DC area. However, I could compromise and live without the last group or find other people to enjoy these things with.

By knowing your “must haves”, you will be able to skip over dating people who do not meet your real needs. This will save you time and heartache in the long run.

~Amy~

Improve Your Dating Experiences (Part 1)

Day 1:

Dating can be a very frustrating experience. Don’t you wish you could go up to a computer and punch in all the characteristics and qualities of your ideal mate and then, abracadabra that person appears custom made for you?

If you are smart and focused, dreams can come true. First, you need to figure out the information that you would need to input into that computer.

1. You must be honest with yourself and know yourself well.

Sit in a quiet place and think about what your values are. Values are the things that are really important to you – what you treasure. Reflect upon your peak experiences in your life. What made them peak experiences? For example, I love skiing where I am enjoying the beautiful pristine nature and having the feeling of flying down the slopes. My values here are nature and the feeling of freedom.

Another peak experience is giving my husband his recent birthday party. I sent out festive invitations, picked a fabulous restaurant, all our close friends were with us, and my husband was thrilled. The party was a hit! From this, you can see my values are accomplishing something out of the ordinary, being with our close friends and my husband’s happiness.

To know yourself well, you also need to get a firm handle of what goals you have in life. What do you want to accomplish in the next year? The next three years? What’s your 10 year plan? If you had all the money in the world and nothing to stop you (i.e., any family obligations you may currently have), what would you want to do? What’s your top 20 list of the things you would like to do most in the next 10 years?

The reason this is important, is that you want to choose to date people who have similar values as yourself. Also, if you have a life goal that is in conflict with the person that you are dating, this may be a deal breaker. For instance, one of my friends loved the New York area and wanted to live there. The woman he met online lived in the Boston area and wanted to remain there with her family and friends. Although there was an attraction, the relationship did not work out because they had different goals on where they wanted to live. The worst situation is to be dating a person for a couple of months before discovering that your goals are totally opposite. For instance, a big dividing point in dating is whether or not you want children. I had a girlfriend who desperately wanted children and dated a guy for several months before finding out he was adamant against having any more children. He was divorced with two children. He didn’t want anymore responsibility. She had already fallen in love with him. It was a difficult choice for her, but she had to break up because she knew her goal was to have her own family.

~Amy~

Top Qualities to Look for in a Long-term Motivated to Marry™ Partner (Part 5)

This week’s dating tips for men and women brings us to the conclusion of the “Top 10 Qualities to Look for in a Long-Term Motivated to Marry™ Partner”:

We’ve all ready reviewed nine qualities to look for. Now, we’ll continue with the 10th, which is:

10. Thinks and acts in a “we” manner, not a “me” manner

Does your potential partner think of how his or her actions will affect you? Are your thoughts and feelings taken into consideration? Is there a goal of compromise for the sake of the relationship? A relationship cannot survive on “me” alone!

To be in a relationship with an individual who is “divided” in his/her thinking with the “me” alone syndrome, only creates problems. Be on the lookout for someone who does not appear to be selfish or self-centered, but rather is willing to be sensitive to your feelings, desires, and needs. Additionally, it’s important that you also demonstrate this quality.

Suppose for example, that you have been dating someone for a considerable amount of time, and you’re now seriously considering if this individual could be “the one”. The two of you begin to discuss your finances. Carefully consider if the individual is discussing your future with a “me” alone approach to the finances, or is he/she including you in his/her future financial plans and goals? Hopefully your potential partner is thinking of you as a couple and making decisions accordingly. If he or she is excluding you in the decision-making, then you either need to discuss how you feel and see if the person understands your position. If for some reason this person continues to be self-oriented, then you may decide to move on.

Good luck with your search or your current relationship. If you are still looking, stay positive. He or she is out there waiting for you!

Best wishes for your dating and relationship endeavors!

~ Amy ~

Top Qualities to Look for in a Long-term Motivated to Marry™ Partner (Part 4)

Continuing on the topic of “Top Qualities to Look for in a Long-term Motivated to Marry™ Partner”, last week, we discussed being intimate and respect. Today, we’ll continue with additional dating tips for men and women and other important characteristics to look for that deepens a romantic relationship.

8. Open and willing to work on enhancing the relationship
Open and honest communication is the key to any relationship. As part of a couple, you need to be willing to listen to constructive comments and requests from your partner. It’s important to hear your partner’s side and visa versa. If you reach a deadlock without any viable solutions, be willing to seek help from an impartial third party to resolve major relationship issues.

9. Trustworthy
Trust is built over time and many positive encounters with someone. Does this person follow up when he/she says they will? Is this someone you have found you can count on? Trust is the foundation of any relationship.

~ Amy ~

Top Qualities to Look for in a Long-term Motivated to Marry™ Partner (Part 3)

As we continue in our learning of “Top Qualities to Look for in a Long-term Motivated to Marry™ Partner”, today, we’ll discover two qualities that tend to go hand-in-hand and are critical in all long-term romantic relationships. They are the ability to be intimate and respect.

6. Ability to be Intimate:

Being willing to show your true self to another does take guts and trust. Making yourself vulnerable to another is not an everyday occurrence. Allowing someone to get to know you and love you just the way you are, for better or worse is not for the faint-hearted.

7. Respectful

Being able to remain respectful of another although you may not agree with the person does take a lot of class. It’s even harder to treat someone with respect when you are under stress. Always treat each other like delicate China where you can break your strong bond with the slip of a hurtful tongue. Nasty remarks and put downs are damaging to any relationship.

The ability to share yourself with someone and to find someone who genuinely respects you for who you are, are two of the most important issues that are key ingredients to a successful relationship. Sharing these attributes with someone will develop trust and will give you a sense of well being.

Amy

Top Qualities to Look for in a Long-term Motivated to Marry™ Partner (Part 2)

Continuing the topic of “Top Qualities to Look for in a Long-term Motivated to Marry™ Partner”, you’ve all ready learned the importance of finding someone who offers you genuine friendship and who is kind and compassionate. Given relationship issues, see these three additional qualities to look for in a potential Motivated to Marry™ Partner :

3. Encouraging and Supportive
Our hope is that our partner becomes our greatest fan. Some dating tips for men include that you cheer her on during difficult times, and don’t forget to tell her you believe in her. She supports you by taking care of the kids at night while you go back to school.

4. A Sense of Being Understood
Being seen and being known is the biggest gift you can give someone. Actually hearing them and acknowledging that you’ve heard them is very powerful. The key relationship issue is acceptance of who we are is what we all strive for.

5. Being Appreciative
The ability to recognize when someone has gone out of your way or done something nice for you is a lost art. Just saying these simple words, “I appreciate what you have done” just makes someone’s day. One can never express too much appreciation! This is also important dating advice for women.

By being attentive in searching for these qualities in your potential Motivated to Marry™ Partner, you will be able to save yourself time and possible heartache by eliminating those who don’t match up with these important characteristics you need for relationship longevity.

~ Amy ~

Building More Trust In Your Relationship or Marriage

One of the biggest relationship "disconnectors" that keep people separated is mistrust.

In our experience, one of the big reasons for mistrust in relationships is because there is resistance of one kind or another from past experiences and beliefs.

In most cases, when there is even a hint of mistrust present, there is resistance that develops within you that keeps you from opening and allowing the other person to fully come in to your heart. This resistance can be from faulty beliefs, past experiences and not based on "truth" unless there are some behaviors that are currently happening to cause the mistrust.

If there are blatant agreements that have been broken, like infidelity, the relationship or marriage can certainly be healed and trust rebuilt. In order to do this, it usually takes a big
commitment and actions in alignment with this commitment on the part of both people to build or rebuild the trust in the relationship.

This is a big topic and almost everyone can learn from the kind of things that we're talking about here because almost everyone has challenges at one time or another with opening their heart to their partner.

It doesn't take infidelity or affairs to close your heart to the other person. In fact, it can be something as simple as your partner looking at you (or someone else) in a certain way that reminds you of past experiences and you getting upset or offended by that look.

To illustrate how easily mistrust and closing to your partner can create disconnection and separation, we'll tell you a story from our lives...

During the past few months, we've been remodeling and "sprucing up" our 130 year old house to get it ready to sell. We've certainly heard the stories of the challenges that many couples face who have attempted the job of remodeling or building a house together.

What has happened is that every possible issue and difference that has been between us came up and was magnified in the process of doing the things to get this house ready for sale.

While we weren't overtly angry or upset and still had our loving connection with each other, there was a vague feeling of uneasiness between us.

We hadn't really identified those issues and differences as creating mistrust between us but they had.

Here are a few ways that we created disconnection and mistrust in this process...

1. We made big assumptions that were half-truths or had no truth to them about each other.

2. We didn't communicate our thoughts about this project and the faulty beliefs about what we thought the other was thinking as clearly as we could have.

3. We did not create conscious agreements about how we were going to proceed with the project before we started.

4. We didn't truly understand each other through our differences of perception.

So today, we opened our hearts to each other and truly listened to what the other person was saying and feeling about our remodeling project. In that listening, we started to understand each other better and to reach agreements that would carry us through to the sale of our house.

Here are some things that we re-learned about rebuilding trust from this situation...

1. Recognize when you are closing your heart to your beloved by making assumptions, relying on faulty beliefs or past experiences.

While it is usually useful to learn from your past experiences, they also can get in the way of you living in the present moment--especially if those past experiences were with a different partner.

2. Explore your differences with an open heart, without judging and listen to understand.

We have had to really listen to what we each want and explore how we can satisfy each of
our desires--without making the other person wrong.

3. Create conscious agreements and conscious understandings.

You might ask yourselves questions like these...

-What steps do we agree to take to get to where we want to be?

-Who will be responsible for each of those steps?

-When do we want these steps to happen or be accomplished?

When we finally opened ourselves to taking a look at where we had made assumptions about
each other and had closed our hearts to one another, we were able to clearly outline a plan for our remodeling and how we were going to carry it through.

We know that trust can be lost in very small ways that add up over time. We also know that rebuilding trust is a choice that we make every day and in every moment in order to have and enjoy our close, connected, alive relationship.

We invite you to explore how bits of mistrust may be sitting in your heart and separating you
from your beloved. We invite you to take the steps in every moment to regain that trust.

~Susie and Otto~

Top Qualities to Look for in a Long-term Motivated to Marry™ Partner

Part 1

Do you know what kind of person would make you happy? What qualities would you want someone you would want to marry have? As human beings, we all respond to certain gestures and behaviors positively. This dating advice for women and men are to describe which qualities you need to have on your radar screen when you are searching for a partner with whom you can have long term bliss. Keep in mind the following relationship issues as you evaluate someone as a Motivated to Marry™ Partner.

1. Offers you genuine friendship
Everyone wants someone who can be their best friend through thick and thin. We want someone with whom we can share our deepest thoughts as well as with whom we can have fun with.

2. Kindness and Compassion
What kind of heart does he or she have? Does he take in stray animals or does she volunteer to help the sick? And how forgiving is his or her nature? Is she kind to you and empathize with you when you’ve had a bad day?

Think about these qualities and if you have them in your current relationship or if they are important for you to have in your next relationship.

Are people who have great relationships just "lucky"?

While we love a good movie about love and romance, the one thing that's never told is what you should do next after this initial attraction to keep the spark alive in your relationship.

These movies focus on the fun and excitement of the meeting, the attraction and the initial
romance.

Yes, the feeling that you've found the true soul mate that you've wanted in your life can be incredible because we know from our own experience.

But why did this "big love" happen to us?

Was it a fluke?

Was is our destiny?

A divine plan?

Were we just soul mates destined to find each other?

Was it karma?

Can it happen to anyone?

These are all legitimate questions...

We believe that the reasons that we have this "big love" and incredible connection are not just
answering "yes" to any of those questions.

As good as a new passionate, romantic relationship feels, in our opinion, it's nothing compared to what is yet to come if you just learn how to keep your love alive with your partner.

We've discovered that anyone can have and keep more love, more passion, more connection,
more trust, better communication and deeper relationships.

As we look at our relationship and the lives of our coaching clients that we've helped to create close, connected relationships, one thing is clear...

The real magic in relationships happens after the initial attraction that creates lasting love and an
incredible connection over the long term.

Whether you are currently in a committed relationship or you are opening yourself to attracting a new partner into your life, here are a few things that we did and you can too...

1. Choose to look at your beloved with fresh eyes and
begin each day with gratitude. That means letting go
of old grievances after they've been resolved and
focusing on appreciating what you love about each
other instead of what's "wrong."

2. Do something every day to keep your connection
strong. It can just take a few minutes of stopping
your busy life to turn and look into the eyes of your
partner. Don't let a day go by without renewing
your connection.

3. Keep a sense of humor. You will make "mistakes"
and your partner will too. While it's healthy to know
what you want and don't want in a relationship, be
kind to yourself and your partner when things don't
go too well.

4. Keep passion alive. So many couples allow the
passion that was once there between them to die.
Keep it alive and growing.

Whether you are currently with a partner or are available for a new relationship, begin creating your own romantic comedy--with the idea that there is no "ending" but simply a continuation of passion, love and connection between the two of you.

Always be asking yourselves and each other "how can I / we open to more in this relationship and with you?"

You can always open more and you can always love more. Every moment is a new opportunity to create and enjoy.

Very often we just have to let go of our preconceived blocks and notions about what is or isn't possible.

Other times it's a bit more complicated than just letting go of preconceived notions and ideas but if your intention is to open instead of close and love instead withhold then you're certainly on the right track.

Susie & Otto Collins

Inside the Mind of A Man

Of course men have their differences, but as a group,
men have a whole lot in common when it comes to their
psychology, behavior, and emotional state. Look at how men
like to watch sports, read Maxim Magazine, talk about cars,
and act competitively.

Women would go nuts if they were stuck doing these things all day

Listen… If you’re thinking that men don’t make any sense
right now – YOU’RE RIGHT. So don’t try to make sense of what
a man does, feels, and says. Men are “wired” differently than women. The sooner you get that men are different, the sooner you’ll start to see the secrets to attracting a man and keeping
him committed in the relationship.

For most women, dating a man is like looking at aniceberg. Much of what’s there is below the surface. The behavior and communication you get from a man is what I call the “outer world”. It doesn’t show what’s actually going on underneath the surface in the “inner world” of his psychology and emotions.

Men have been practicing their whole lives to hide their “inner world.” They’ve been conditioned to hide or ignore their emotions for most of their lives. So it should come as no surprise that lots of men are completely out of touch and unaware of their inner world.

C. Carter